i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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