I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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