Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
