so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
