I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone came in the potted fern
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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