when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
