i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
