Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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