I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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