Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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