went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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