this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
