I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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