I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize