I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
