I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
