Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
