You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
