We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
