the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
