Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize