i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
