it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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