i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
