I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
