i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
