i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
