Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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