I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
