Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
