Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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