I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bring money and cleavage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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