I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
