He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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