this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
