I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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