her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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