Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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