You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
