your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
