What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
