i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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