Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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