Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
