i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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