At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
