Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
