somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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