Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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