they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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