oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
