Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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