THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.