When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
