Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

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  (818): She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs? http://tfl.nu/4vl4
  Replies (74) Good night (834) Bad night (6245)
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  (845): View more from New York

  just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

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  (845): just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/ktmw
  Replies (15) Good night (5162) Bad night (652)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

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  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7950) Bad night (927)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.

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  (709): It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me. http://tfl.nu/jsip
  Replies (11) Good night (808) Bad night (2707)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.

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  (336): They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays. http://tfl.nu/wrv2
  Replies (13) Good night (7677) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this

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  (815): ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this http://tfl.nu/mfxc
  Replies (11) Good night (4618) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on

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  (540): i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on http://tfl.nu/ddt2
  Replies (1) Good night (1225) Bad night (551)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution

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  (713): It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution http://tfl.nu/g3ws
  Replies (8) Good night (834) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.

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  (864): Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype. http://tfl.nu/2egz
  Replies (5) Good night (1550) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Beer acquired. Food is cooking

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio

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  (407): Beer acquired. Food is cooking (1-407): Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio http://tfl.nu/4aqs
  Replies (3) Good night (1141) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob

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  (781): My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob http://tfl.nu/45ds
  Replies (5) Good night (938) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.

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  (772): I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty. http://tfl.nu/zh78
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!

  (740): View more from Ohio

  And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes

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  (740): Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed! (740): And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes http://tfl.nu/xgjj
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.

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  (804): My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost. http://tfl.nu/72vv
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car

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  (703): To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car http://tfl.nu/yj9e
  Replies (0) Good night (182) Bad night (365)

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