The best revenge is premature balding
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
