Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just made out with a guy for $7.

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(603): I just made out with a guy for $7. http://tfl.nu/nc9g

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds

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(508): your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds http://tfl.nu/5eyd

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(954): View more from Florida

It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.

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(954): It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life. http://tfl.nu/v7co

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(248): View more from Michigan

When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

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(248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

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(780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y

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(432): View more from Texas

So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.

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(432): So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers. http://tfl.nu/pze4

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(416): View more from Toronto

Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?

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(416): Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it? http://tfl.nu/zi0h

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(626): View more from California

I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.

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(626): I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there. http://tfl.nu/iwr8

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.

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(304): I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life. http://tfl.nu/wtpe

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap

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(508): Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap http://tfl.nu/gn8d

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(818): View more from California

Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.

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(818): Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party. http://tfl.nu/8owu

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(514): View more from Quebec

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!

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(514): OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR! http://tfl.nu/abrr

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(914): View more from New York

Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.

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(914): Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket. http://tfl.nu/amsn

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(936): View more from Texas

I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night

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(936): I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night http://tfl.nu/dhdy

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