dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
