I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
