thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
