My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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