girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
