I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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