She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
