if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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