How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize