He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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